Advent is the beginning of the Church's new year and a time for
looking forward. Traditionally it is also a time of spiritual
preparation for celebrating the birth of Jesus. Now, we associate
birth with new beginnings for obvious reasons. But we use the term
"new birth" more widely than for simply indicating a new child
coming into the world. We employ it to suggest new stages in our
lives like, for example, being "born again in the Spirit".

MARRIAGE AS A NEW BEGINNINGS
There are, of course, many such instances when we do not actually
use the term "new birth". Marriage is an example, for it is one
of the most radical changes to occur in the lives of most of us.

It is also a change which calls for a similar degree of commitment
to the one that God has to us: a permanent one.

Commitment was central to the birth of Jesus. Indeed, it was absolutely
crucial to God's commitment to his people -- all his people. Marriage
needs to mirror that kind of commitment if it is to succeed as a long
term arrangement.

Secondly, it also needs to have its own advent: courtship. The absence of both
these principles is the major reason why so many marriages fail in
today's society.

JESUS AND COMMITMENT
The birth of Jesus was just one stage in God's commitment to his people.
But it was important for many reasons, not least because, through the
life of the Saviour, God's commitment was translated into human terms,
terms that we could really begin to understand: expressed as the lifelong
commitment of Jesus to us.

There were times, most obvious to us from his public ministry, when
Jesus might well have said, "That's it! Enough is enough! I quit".
Fortunately for us, he persisted. Likewise, probably in most marriages,
there are times when either spouse has that experience. But commitment
is what brings us through such difficult times.

MARRIAGE, NEW BIRTH AND COMMITMENT
Marriage, if you like, is our Christmas! But it needs to be proceeded
by its own advent, just as Jesus' public ministry needed its time of
preparation.

One reason why we can successfully make our way through such interpersonal
jungles is because we have prepared for marriage by ensuring that it
has had its own advent: which we call courtship. Jesus had his own advent,
his time of preparation for the trials to come. It lasted about thirty years
and we sometimes refer to it as his "hidden life". During this time, in his
humanity, he came to know who and what he was and the nature of his
relationship with us.

Although much shorter, courtship fulfills the same kind of objectives before
marriage. We come to know each other: something of our respective faults
as well as our good qualities. We come to know our compatibility and any areas
of potential difficulties. We grow in awareness of each other: moods, attitudes,
likes, dislikes, tastes and so forth.

When new relationships between man and woman are dominated by sex and the
desire to "jump into bed" at the first opportunity, most of the advantages of
courtship are lost. Courtship is essentially a time of sensitive development
through patience, growth in understanding and, at times, restraint from what
needs to come later.

Otherwise it is as if Jesus, unable to control his own impulses,
tried to jump fully into a public ministry at the age of twelve! What a
disaster that would have been, simply because he was not humanly ready for
it: neither mature enough nor understanding enough. This is why he had not
informed his parents of what he desired to do by staying behind in Jersualem.
This was not a sin, of course, merely the consequence of human immaturity.

We know something of each other but the finer and more important long term
aspects are swamped if we allow short term sexual impulses to dominate our
relationships. Modern attitudes which elevate sexual pleasure to the pinnacle
of male/female associations swamp the deeper, and much more crucial and
fundamental concomitants in relationships. It makes sex the primary and
dominating element and denies it its true role in supporting and expressing
love.

LOVE, SEX, ADVENT AND CHRISTMAS
"Love" AND "sex" are today mangled into synonyms for each other. But there
is no essential nor necessary connection between the two. One is about immediate
self gratification, the other about securing the best things in life for
another person -- and where marriage is concerned, that entails a lifetime
perspective. Love and sex only become connected when we make them so by
seeing the true Christian essence in our relationships. At Christmas we
celebrate that new time for the world which the birth of Jesus heralded.
For those concerned, marriage has potentially the same qualities. But every
Christmas is proceeded by its own advent, and trying to get rid of the one
before seeking to enjoy the other ultimately generates disaster.

AUTHOR: Anthony Keith Whitehead
WEB SITE: http://www.christianword.co.uk
This article is copyright but may be reproduced providing that all this information is included.
Over twentyfive years in Christian healing teaching writing ministries. Wide range of secular employments before being called by the Lord into full time independent ministry in 1987. With his
wife Iris he has ministered both in the UK and USA. Has written many articles and several books on healing meditation, empowerment, salvation and various aspects of spirituality.
Formal qualifications include: B.A., M.Phil.,
Cambridge University Certificate in Religious Studies Post Grad Cert in Education.